i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize