I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
