Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
