Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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