I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
