I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
