Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
