sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
