with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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