ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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