i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize