dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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