are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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