WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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