I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
