Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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