Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
