Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
