he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize