since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have aggressive nipples.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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