So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
