ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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