I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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