My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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