Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
