Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
