i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
