I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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