Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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