He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
