My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize