I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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