my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
