i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
