This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
