some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
