i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My vagina is officially offended.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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