Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
