so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
