Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
