Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
