he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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