Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
