I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Rumble strips road head = magical
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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