Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Oh god it's open bar.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
