omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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