Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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