I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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