are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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