Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
