their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
