I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
