youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
