I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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