then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
