He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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