i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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