I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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