Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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