there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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