peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
