guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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