he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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