the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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