HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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