i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
