well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i want to swaddle you in tequila
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize