I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
